The Perils of Hygiene
by Black Lighted Clouds
Summary: Professor Chambers is eager to instil "civility" into Pedro; namely the concept of that thing called hygiene. Chaos echewes. Note: It's written in a list-like format, so each incident happens at a seperate time, okay?


**A/N: Dedicated to ThatGirl100 for adding me to her favourite authors' list, as well as saying such a nice thing about me on her profile page and considering writing her own Po5 fic! Hopefully this will encourage her ****J **

**And, as always, a huge thank you to MadCatta for so kindly editing all my Po5 work – don't know where I'd be without you! Well, actually I do and I don't like it, so my eternal gratitude to you!**

Pedro did not like showers.

It made sense, considering living in poverty is not exactly the best environment for hygiene rules, but it was driving Professor Chambers mad. He didn't seem to notice, but after a few weeks of not washing, he was beginning to smell quite bad and the grease in his hair was leaving odd smudges on the walls paintwork. So she had ordered him to shower.

And she ran into a list of problems.

Number one: Pedro does not know how to operate a shower. 

Matt, Jamie and Scott were all sitting in the living room, watching TV and trying to ignore the screaming going on upstairs. Richard wandered into the room, looked up at the ceiling and walked back out, muttering, "Damn, it's even louder in here . . . "

The door slamming abruptly cut off the argument. The teenagers glanced at the ceiling in unison as the odd silence seemed to descend on them.

"Think she's killed him?" Scott asked loftily.

"Probably not," Matt murmured quietly. "At least, I hope not."

Heavy footsteps signalled the elder woman's arrival as she clomped down the stairs. She stalked into the living room with a very satisfied look on her face, ignoring the water soaking her clothes and the fact that her hair was messy and hanging everywhere.

"Well, I got him in there." She announced cheerfully. "Where's that brandy?"

Richard came out with a glass he had poured for her, a two litre bottle of coke fresh from the fridge under his arm which he handed to Matt, the closest to him. He refilled their glasses.

The water running in the shower suddenly cut off. They hadn't noticed it until it was gone, but the absence of the noise caused them all to frown and look at the professor. She glared at the stairs, as if internally debating whether she should return to the bathroom or not. Then the water began to run again and they all relaxed.

The pouring stopped again ten minutes later. The men ignored it, figuring Pedro must be done and sending silent thanks heavenwards that he had been obedient this time. The professor started rooting through the washing for a clean towel, remembering that she hadn't left him one.

The shower started again.

The woman stopped her search and looked upwards again. "He probably just forgot to put conditioner in his hair, Joanna," Richard soothed.

Professor Chambers nodded slowly. "Yes, I expect you're right." Finding a towel, she set it down on the arm of the couch besides Scott before picking up a discarded file she had been meaning to read.

The water cut off again.

"See?" Richard said from his perch near the doorway. "He'll come down now."

Pedro did not come down. They waited for about five minutes and there was no sign of him. Then the professor jolted and said, "Oh, right! The towel."

Just as she set her foot on the first stair, the shower started again. They all exchanged glances. The water cut off again. Ten seconds later, it was back on. Then off. Then on. Then off and so it continued for another five minutes before Pedro apparently settled on it staying on.

It was another twenty minutes before they heard any more; a strange knocking sound. "Sounds like the pipes." Richard commented.

"I'm not surprised they're groaning!" The professor snapped, frustrated at the odd things happening in her second-floor bathroom. "Oh, what is that boy doing in there?"

Richard stood, his hands raised in a gesture of peace. "Relax, Joanna. I'll go see what he's up too, okay?"

Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed the blue towel that had become a regular feature on the sofa's arm and bolted up the stairs. If they strained their ears, which they all were, they could just hear his footsteps across the wooden beams and the faint _tap, tap _of him knocking on the bathroom door.

Suddenly, the ceiling started to cave in.

The professor let loose a foul swear word at the same time Scott did, the boys launching themselves out of their seats to the sides of the room. A huge dent appeared in the wood, getting deeper as something appeared to weigh on it, the heavy groaning of the wood seeming to bellow in comparison to gentle rapping they heard earlier. Then, the ceiling stopped moving. It appeared that whatever was pressing on it had ceased to do so and it could handle the strain.

Richard came running down the stairs, screaming at the top of his lungs, Pedro following at his heels.

As was the water Pedro had apparently been using in his shower. It flushed down the steps like a waterfall, hitting all six of them with such force that the landed on the floor and the water continued to pelt them so they stayed down.

Luckily, it only came to knee height on Richard, the tallest in their group.

"PEDRO!" the professor screamed hysterically.

The Peruvian boy glared at her, still seated in the water (a bit of relief considering he was still naked). Richard, shakily, leant against the wall for support, speaking on Pedro's behalf, "The shampoo got clogged in the drain, along with a load of hair, the remains of the soap bar and half the conditioner bottle."

"I tell you! I tell you that thing is dangerous, but you do not listen!" Pedro shouted, trying to get up before slipping and falling on his butt again. He cursed angrily in Spanish.

"The shower is not dangerous, Pedro, YOU are!" The professor ground out furiously. "Why did you even use so much shampoo and conditioner that it jammed the drain anyway?"

Pedro frowned at her in confusion. "What is shampoo?"

Richard held Professor Chambers back as she attempted to throw herself at the teenager. The other three watched, hair dripping water into their eyes, somewhat amused by the proceedings.

Number two: Pedro does not know what to do once he is in the shower. 

Scott stormed down the stairs angrily, snapping, "I can't do this anymore!" (1)

Matt, Richard and the Professor all glanced at him curiously. Jamie answered their unspoken question, "He's been trying to explain to Pedro what to do in the shower."

"What to do?" Matt asked in surprise, one black eyebrow raised. "Why would he need to explain? It's not difficult."

"That's what I said!" Scott fumed. "But I've been trying to explain the concept of "soap" for the last half hour, you think he's gets it? Nope!" Throwing his hands up at the last word, he plonked himself down on the sofa and rested his feet on the coffee table.

"It can't be all that bad, Scott and either take your feet or your shoes off, I don't want the table getting dirty." Professor Chambers scolded from the doorway of the kitchen.

"My sneakers aren't dirty." Scott growled, glowering at the TV. "Besides, you're the one who tried to get him in the damn thing in the first place; you know how hard it is."

The professor sighed, mumbling something about how peaceful her life was before "moody teenage boys invaded my house".

"I'm not moody," Scott muttered sulkily. "Shut up, Matt." He added without looking. Matt closed his mouth.

Pedro joined them in the living room, nearly slipping over a discarded briefcase as he was too in-grossed in the white bottles he held in either hand. They all looked up – and Scott launched himself to his feet, shouting, "I already told you!"

"Is confusing!" Pedro protested, his gaze swapping from the bottle in his right hand to the bottle in his left and a frown crossing over his features.

"_How?_" the aggravated Scott demanded. "Shampoo first, conditioner second!"

"Yes, but which is shampoo and which is conditioner?" Pedro continued to query, staring at the containers as if they carried the secrets to life within them.

Scott swore violently, looking like he was a moment away from tearing his hair out. Pedro looked up in surprise, stating calmly, "There is no need to get angry, Scott –"

"_I'm not getting angry!_"

Taking a deep breath to cool down, he showed Pedro that the shampoo will always be on the right and the conditioner on the left. After several attempts, he got the message across.

He turned his back on the enlightened Peruvian boy, hissing under his breath, "Worse than a kid!"

Pedro's eyes narrowed at the comment. He dropped the conditioner out of his left hand so it clattered on the wooden floor, popped open the lid of the shampoo bottle, grabbed the back collar of Scott's T-shirt and emptied the thick liquid down Scott's back.

Scott yelped at the sudden and strange feeling, turning around so rapidly he fell over the arm of the sofa as he legs hit the side, landing on the back on the seats. Everyone – minus Pedro, who smirked – winced at the squelching sound as Scott lay on the cushions. They all gawped at Pedro in surprise. Then Scott rolled onto his stomach on the floor, swinging round and snatching the other bottle off of the floor. He launched himself to his feet and, snapping open the catch of the lid, squeezed the plastic bottle hard, squirting the Peruvian boy all over with conditioner.

Pedro scrambled backwards in shock for a few seconds before getting his bearings and flinging shampoo back at the American. Richard ran forwards in an attempt to be the peace-maker and was drenched in both liquids. Matt burst out laughing at the sight of him and Richard deposited the contents of a water bottle all over his head. And it continued until the professor and Jamie managed to drag them apart.

Number three: of all the Five (or the Four, as it were) Pedro is the most stubborn.

"Richard! Boys! For God's sake, help me!" The professor screamed in rage as she attempted to beat down the bathroom door. The men of the house stood there and watched her, feeling a strange mixture of alarm, amusement and bewilderment.

"Um, Professor?" Matt finally ventured. "Why are you trying to destroy the door? It never did anything to you."

"It's Pedro! He's locked himself in there and refuses to come out!"

Richard gave shared an exasperated look with his blue-eyed friend before saying, "But this is good, isn't it? You wanted him to go in the bathroom . . ."

"No! It is not good!" The woman screeched at the blonde man, making him cower behind Matt.

"Why not?" Matt queried, raising an eyebrow.

"Because it's her own fault. She dragged him in there in the first place." Scott told them.

The professor turned her death glare on the teenager in question. He didn't so much as flinch, much to Richard's dismay. "Don't read my mind! It's rude!"

"Technically, it's more like listening to your mind."

Before the furious woman could reply, the door abruptly opened and out strode Pedro, looking bemused to see all five of his housemates staring at him. "I thought there was more than one bathroom in this house."

He blinked his dark eyes as Richard suddenly strode up to him and sniffed at his hair. "What are you doing?"

"You smell nice." Richard said, somehow managing to look suspicious as he did so.

"Um . . . thank you?"

"You smell like soap. And your hair is clean. You had a shower!"

'_How is it that that sounds like a terrible accusation?_' Jamie thought.

_This is our life now, Jamie. Forget the concept of logic, it doesn't belong here_.' Scott answered.

"No, I did not." Pedro snapped defiantly.

"There's steam coming out of the bathroom, Pedro." Matt observed.

"I did not have a shower." Pedro growled.

"Then how are you so sanitary?" The professor demanded, sensing victory at hand.

"Pardon?"

"Clean!"

"I did not have a shower!" Pedro repeated. Then he smirked. "I had a bath. Is much more refreshing." (2)

Matt pulled him out of the way before Professor Chambers reached his throat.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed my return to humour. I know the first two were better; this actually wasn't the original ending, the first one was real slashy (as going the whole way, as it were) and I wanted this to be humour, so . . . But don't worry! I will write a side-fic with the slash in it for those of you who like it.**

**(1) ****For those of you who are confused, each section of the list is set at different times, 'cause it'd be a bit unrealistic for it to all happen on the same day and I wanted to cut out all the mundane things like them cleaning up the flood and whatnot and get straight down to the humour, okay?**

**(2) Another thing, I know Pedro's English is probably better than I portrayed in this fic, I just thought that in moments of stress or anger, and when he's learning it, it's probably quite stilted, so don't complain.**


End file.
